Defusing verbal aggression means reducing the tension, the perceived threat, so the brain can focus on something other than survival.
- Don’t react to the emotional content: stay calm, don’t retaliate
- Adopt the posture you’d want from the other person: mirror neurons are powerful.
- Validate the emotions: “I understand you’re frustrated”
- Respect the space: keep an appropriate distance
- Speak slowly and low: this naturally slows the aggressor down
- Reframe: “If I understand correctly, you’re saying that…”
- Offer a solution: “Let’s see how we can work this out together”
The key is to understand the other person’s need and meet it as far as possible. The need is sometimes simpler than we think — to a “look, I exist”, all that’s needed is to answer “yes, you exist and I see you”. Let’s not overthink it.
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